De-Stress Dad....The Final

The Husband awoke this morning too the sound of a cat being strangled....Oh no hang on....That was me singing Happy Birthday to him.

We had a cuppa in bed whilst he opened all his cards. It was a little strange not having the kids here but once I had phoned home to the The Northern Mother and discovered that they were both still asleep and probably very grumpy due to a very late night and too much sugar I decided that actually it was quite nice just being the 2 of us for a change.




We headed off for breakfast and got accosted by an elderly gentleman named Herbert who was in his 90's. He then proceeded to tell us how he single handedly fought off the Germans at Normandy and how he now lives his life to the full and was a multi millionaire. The Husband (who loves all that war stuff) found it all very interesting, I on the other hand was starving and was desperate to get some food inside of me before I wasted away .....( oh if only).

My ears did slightly prick up when he introduced us to his wife Cindy who was 26 if a day and was from Thailand. He clearly adored her and she in turn may of adored him but we sensed it may of been of been something else that she loved.

We discovered that they were staying for a month and that she was spending most of her days having various treatments while he just milled around chatting to people. This did make me wonder if she might of been older than 26 and had just had so much collagen that she just looked younger.

Each to their own and all that !!

As I write this final post we are sitting outside in the most comfortable sofas ever drinking coffee. Cindy and Herbert have just got into the jacuzzi and The Husband has announced that if he has to look at her fornicating over him for much longer he may bring his breakfast back.

Personally I think he's just jealous.





Final Word Time.
This place is amazing and holds people from all walks of life. There are loads of couples, groups of women and even a few people on their own. There are a few gorgeous people here who are recovering from illnesses and are staying here for 6 months or more. I have even seen a couple of famous faces and many not so famous faces.

It is certainly not cheap but it has been worth every saved up penny.

I now find myself in a totally awful situation/dilemma. Do I come back next year with The Northern Mother and friends or do I come back with now fully converted Hubby who has had so many treatments I fear he may turn into a woman.

DECISIONS DECISIONS.....Well, I don't really have a choice do I.........

I will have to try and do both.............Good God I better get saving now.





Thanks for reading

Lots of Love
Me xxxxxxxxxxx

De-Stress Dad..Day 2.

After a less than restful night due to The Husband being so relaxed he snored like a Wilder beast with chronic asthma (even with my earplugs in I could still hear him), I thought about sleeping in the lounge area on the sofa or even in the copper swing outside but then realise that I would then have to get up to hit him instead of just rolling over and doing it.

We headed down for breakfast in our robes, it still feels a little strange all this wandering about in a dressing gown. I keep having these urges to flash someone just to see their faces but decide against it in the name of health and safety.

As I write this post we are sitting in a sort of conservatory area which over looks the outdoor jacuzzi, The Husband is contemplating getting in and I have decided I will just dangle my feet in due to the spray tan I had yesterday. He sits on one side and I on the other in our robes"are you getting in then?" I say to him. "Nahhh, think I will just paddle like you" he replies. This all went a bit wrong when an enormous lady gets in and creates a tidal wave that soaks our bottoms and robes. She is oblivious to the sogginess of us and we leave mumbling under our breaths.

It is now 12.55 and we are waiting for our therapists.....The Husband has no idea that I have booked him a different kind of massage (after he moaned that there was no way any of the girls here could give him the type of massage he liked).....So I had organised a deep tissue one administered by a Russian sounding lady.......He can sense something is going on as I try not to snigger.........12.58...Its nearly time.....1 O'clock...Here we go..............

To say I am disappointed it an understatement, I imagined a kind of Ma Larkin/Russian Shot putter type of person but the lady that emerged was far from that. In its place was a tiny Chinese women in her late 60's who looked remarkably like the baddie from Johnny English Reborn. My devious plan had fallen flat on its face and the only thing I was grateful for was that I hadn't told him before hand.




I sat feeling quite deflated (Oh how I wish my tummy would feel deflated) whilst I waited for him to come out, suddenly a figure appeared from behind a door. It was to be a sight that forced me to clasp my hand over my mouth to stop any escaping laughter.
There he was, walking as if he had just done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. His shoulders were hunched and he had a sort of rabbit in the headlights look about him. His Chinese counterpart went to shake his hand and say goodbye but he almost recoiled at the thought of touching her and just said thanks.

As we walked......Well he kind of hobbled.......He exclaims that although she was small she had the strength of Godzilla and the speed of Maradona. He had wanted a deep tissue massage and boy had he got one.

I suggested a gentle walk outside in the grounds to unwind but strangely he declined.

The motto of this tale is.....Be very careful what you wish for...

See you tomorrow for the final part.

Lots of Love
Me
xxxxx

De-Stress Dad Time..Day 1

After a slightly fraught journey to our destination due to The Husband yelling at me that after 4 years of coming here I should know the way by now. That in itself is a total joke, if you read my past blog called Don't Follow Me I'm Lost Too  you will see that very rarely (and I mean rarely...like only if mine of one of the family's life depended on it) do I actually drive anywhere that is not within my own town. So expecting me to take notice when I am a passenger is beyond crazy.

All tensions are forgotten as we enter the sweeping driveway to our little bit of paradise for the next 3 days. The Husband does a little sigh and the relaxation starts to very slowly creep into his brain.

Once checked in we head off to lunch followed by a quick tour of the place. It is quite a long walk round and The Husband suddenly announces that he can already feel his tummy expanding after the pulse heavy lunch.......OMG I THINK HE'S GONNA BLOW !!

We both sit patiently for our therapist to arrive and we happily chat and giggle about wind..AGAIN...I can see a pattern of conversation emerging.

As the clock strikes 3pm a wave of rather beautiful looking ladies appear like magic. Here they are, the little angels who will bring my Husband back from the deep realms of stress and hopefully ease some of his anxiety.



It is at this stage that I notice The Husbands face, I am not entirely sure if he's still worrying about his wind problem or in fact the delight that may be hidden beneath his frown lines at actually being given permission by his wife to go off with these size nothing blonde girls in a dark room and be touched by them. I quickly put this out of my mind (as a Taurean, jealously is not a good side of me).

After 55 minutes of sheer pleasure....(He has had an Indian Head Massage and I have had the slightly gentler Head In the Clouds massage) we meet back in the waiting area. As he wanders through the door I am conscious of the fact that he looks like he has been smoking something naughty, eyes are glazed and a dopey grin has emerged on his face. "I think I might need to sit down" he says "am I supposed to be feeling this relaxed". In my Taurean head I want to say "well that depends on what she did" but shake myself and just laugh.

Currently sitting by the pool now watching him plod up and down whilst making a terrible Water Polo right arm splash (they all do this). Have just noticed some bubbles come up from behind him.........Oh No!!! ........

Come Back Tomorrow For Part 2.

Love Me
xx